Showing posts with label skin cancer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label skin cancer. Show all posts

Monday, April 21, 2008

Busy

Something about spring has given us a lot of energy to start new things, but at the same time we feel like we are dragging, physically (allergies probably...).

Our Sonlight Core 4 came in the mail a few days ago. A whole box full of books is always exciting! But we are plugging along with the end of the school year's work, which is just starting to get exciting for us too because I am choosing interesting things but forcing them to do it (well, no real FORCE has been necessary, but when they ask "Do I have to listen to this?" I say "Yes.") This is working for us. They didn't know what they were missing before when I was much more lax with things (mostly out of exhaustion on my part!). Now we are almost at the end of the math books, have started back to spelling with a curriculum they both seem to like (Sequential Spelling) and are reading the last of the Core 3 readers and read alouds.

Today we started on The Prairie Primer. We have always loved Little House stuff and I didn't want to put the girls off any longer. It keeps our interest too - right now I think the motivation factor is more important than what I would be teaching them by forcing them to finish one thing before starting the next. We will finish most things anyway, not just in any traditional order. :)

Today we read aloud a chapter of Swift Rivers. Jane finished her reader Om-Kas-Toe (which she loved). I read the first chapter of Little House in the Big Woods and we did the daily activities for that chapter. Jane's favorite by far was the experiments on her sisters. :) The Prairie Primer talked about learning Piaget's stages of development and testing siblings to see where they fell on the scale. I was surprised at my 8 year olds answer to a "volume conservation" problem (putting equal amounts in two low and wide cups, then pouring one while the child watches into a tall and thin cup. Children from 7-11, according to Piaget, should be learning to understand that this is the same amount of liquid even though it appears to be taller(more) in the tall, thin cup.) I was even more surprised (although I shouldn't be, knowing how smart she is) at my just turned 5yo's answer. :) We also tested the baby on object permanence. Very fun stuff indeed. Enough to make me forget that I got no sleep and half of us are sick and cranky. :-P

We hope to keep up this pace for awhile - schooling in every spare minute the younger two afford us (which is usually not a whole lot, LOL) - but in interesting ways - until we can't stand it anymore. :) Really, I'm trying to read my kids on this one, and they seem to be thriving like this, so I'm going to keep it up until they are not.

In other news, I'd like to ask a few quick prayers - one for my dad whose birthday is today (he's fine, just like asking for prayers on a special day); two - for my baby who is pretty miserable from sickness/teething/shot reactions; and three - for me, I have a follow up appointment at the dermatologist for a biopsy on a spot on my cheek. I'm guessing it was another basal cell carcinoma but I'll find out tomorrow. I am worried about a few more areas on my nose now also, near the skin graft. At this rate I won't have much face left and when I think about it at all it tends to get to me emotionally. Please pray that my skin heals from whatever this stuff is and that the doctors can guide me through the best treatment for me? There seems to be a fine line between "effective" and "aesthetic". Thanks!

Sunday, March 30, 2008

What would I do?

What would I do if I only had X amount of time to live? I've always considered that question a "desert island exercise" (I love how she's using that term here - basically as any "ain't gonna happen to me, don't really have to worry about this but I'll answer it anyway so my answer doesn't mean much in real life" question).

Getting skin cancer (yes, even the "non-malignant" kind) had in the past brought the question more from a desert island exercise to a "hmmmm, I probably need to examine this" level. I mull over the thought that if my body is so out of balance that I am finding new skin cancers every few months at my young age, what is going on that I *can't* see? I think about getting cancer, and what that would mean for me and my family. Still, that adolescent thought, that I'm still somehow invincible, was at the forefront of my mind. Who me? Die someday? Nahhhhh...

(OK, before anyone gets worried, I'm not dying *that I know of* LOL ... read on...)

Yesterday, with my soul nice and sparkly clean from confession, I got to go out with my Book Club Ladies - basically, three other Catholic homeschooling moms. We stay out about 3 hours, and talk about the book we read for, oh, maybe 5 minutes on a good day, LOL. The rest of the time we're asking advice, listening to the latest on one persons MIL or another's new baby.

Let me back track a bit - after confession Iknelt to say my penance and was continuing to pray as I waited for my two oldest daughters to finish. "God, I'm afraid to ask for patience as you know what happens when I ask for that! I'm afraid to ask for anything transformative for the same reason! Just show me Your love, and help me open up to pass that Love through me to others. Let me be a light."

I don't usually expect answers from God, as the past several (OK, like 10? LOL) years have been a quiet "dark night-ish" time of God drawing me to Himself. Last night, though, he used a friend's concerned words to snap me into reality.

My book club friend's husband is a doctor. She apologized for sending me a very worried email a few weeks ago, about my skin cancer. Last night she told me why - her husband had at least three patients, all in their mid-40's (I'm 39), who within the last year were diagnosed with skin cancer (I'm guessing melanoma?) and within a few months were dead. She went on and on until another Book Club Mom said, "Stop, you're scaring Amy!" LOL, I guess I looked like a deer in the headlights.

But it was transformative. I realized how true it could be that I will not be here 6 years from now. Suddenly "What would I do if I only had 6 years to live" didn't seem to be a desert island exercise. The patients my friend talked about had MONTHS, not even years.

What would I do? Love. And not worry about the small stuff (and it's almost all small stuff). Live richly, being present in my actions and to my family members, instead of having my head in the clouds all the time.

God answered my prayer, by showing me just how human I am. May I be able to keep this in mind every day.

All flesh is grass, And all its loveliness is like the flower of the field...The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever. Isaiah 40:6,8

Saturday, March 22, 2008

It starts with me

Like many other readers of Lissa's blog, I continue to think about her post "Every Face I Look At Seems Beautiful." The title quote is from an excerpt of Betty Edwards's book Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, where a woman reflected that after taking Betty's class, every face she looked at seemed beautiful to her.

I read that part of Lissa's post and self-righteously told myself, "I'm kind of like that - I don't find anyone ugly, we're all fascinating in our own way." Hmmm. Right. So tell me why not an hour later I was looking at myself in the mirror - at the circular scar on my nose that looks like someone took some silly putty and formed a little disk and slapped it there, and let's not talk about my seriously thinning hair or crooked teeth - and wondered why I was so ugly? Wasn't I just the same person who said she didn't find people ugly? Shouldn't that mean ME too? Apparently, it doesn't, LOL!

I'm not going to try to figure out WHY I'm so hard on myself, but I know I am, in so many ways. How can I love my kids when I hate myself? How can I be patient with my kids when I'm not patient with myself? How can I think they are beautiful when they look like me and I think I'm ugly??

Actually, it was the realization that they DO resemble me, and I find them beautiful when I'm not thinking about how much they resemble me, that gave me the push to go easier on myself.

I'm finding, ever so slowly, that when I'm loving myself and being patient with my huge list of faults, it allows God's grace to flow through me to them. I show more patience than I think I possess, more creativity for those tense moments, more energy to lead them to the next thing or sit back and enjoy the show.

When I fall back on hating myself, the wall between us comes slamming back down. I'm tired, I'm impatient, I'm bossy and snappy. I hate myself and act like I hate them too.

I prayed the other day to see my children through God's eyes. My prayer today is that I see myself that way also.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Quick prayer

At the risk of totally boring everyone, I'd like to ask my readers to send up a quick prayer for me - I think I've figured out that I'm having an allergic reaction to the triple antibiotic ointment I was using up until tonight on the skin graft site. Apparently it's not uncommon. I switched to something else for the night and I'll call the doc in the morning if I don't see a great improvement (why oh why do these things always happen on weekends - holiday weekends no less? grrrrr....). I really covet your prayers that I haven't ruined the graft by using this antibiotic ointment, and that the inflammation goes all the way down over night so I can get on with the business of healing. THANKS and God bless you all!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Novena to St. Andrew, revisited

Hail and blessed be the hour and moment in which the Son of God was born of the most pure Virgin Mary, at midnight, in Bethlehem, in piercing cold. In that hour, vouchsafe, O my God! to hear my prayer and grant my desires, through the merits of Our Saviour Jesus Christ, and of His Blessed Mother. Amen.


You may remember back at the beginning of Advent that I couldn't decide what to pray for. (How about grammar lessons some of you might be thinking...)

I listed a few things in that post, but what kept popping into my mind was a that I wanted a good outcome from all this skin cancer surgery. Complete healing. Thinking that was kind of selfish, I pushed it away and tried to think of other things...got sidetracked with life and never actually picked anything.

Fast forward to yesterday, the first day I actually SAW the skin grafts. The doctors try to warn you that "it won't look like the final product yet, you still have a lot of healing to do." What they really mean is, "it will look raw and purple and bloody, you'll feel a little grossed out having to care for it, and you'll wonder if it's ever going to 'take' and be like your other skin."

I'm staring in the mirror trying to get the antibiotic gauze back on, wondering if it's OK for me to ask for healing. The Holy Spirit brought to mind several stories. When the blind man told Jesus that he wanted to see, did Jesus say, 'No man, you should be asking for help for your poor brother who can't find work, not your sight!' No! Jesus healed him. When the lepers asked to be healed, did Jesus chastize and say they should be asking for an end to Roman opression instead? No, Jesus healed them. They asked, He healed.

What do I want more than anything in the world right now? I want to be healed.

So with confidence and childlike simplicity, I cry out to Jesus now, "Lord, I want to be healed! Only say the word."

(and please please ignore the fact that I am only saying 4 days of a 25 day novena!)


Friday, December 14, 2007

Little update

I'm blogging because it takes my mind off the pain...it feels like someone ripped my ear off and then tried to staple it back on. That's what I get, I guess, for having nice young tight skin! (Except for around my eyes...crows feet starting already!) My nose doesn't hurt, except when I eat, or talk...or breathe...or sit still, LOL. If I wasn't nursing, Darvocet would be my middle name right now! Tylenol just isn't cutting it. Ah well, it will be bedtime soon and hopefully if I sit still long enough I'll forget about the throbbing and fall asleep. Apparently all those people who had some skin cancer removed did not go through THIS, because they all said it was no big deal. I can give birth without drugs, and this is a big deal! LOL

The girls are going to love it. I can't talk much so I can't yell, and I've decided to think only happy healing thoughts for the next 2 months so this skin graft will take well. Anxiety and tension are bad for healing. So no crabbing, no criticizing, no getting angry at them - nothing they could do (or would do) is worth having to go through this again! LOL

I want to publicly thank St. DH for doing so much for the baby right now, I could not be going through this without him!

I'm off to watch Heidi with the girls, the one with Shirley Temple (is there another?) Let's see if it makes the pain better or worse. ;-)

Monday, December 10, 2007

Just a little FYI (warning, a little graphic - medical)

I had my Mohs procedure done at the dermatologist today, and they were able to remove all the skin cancer in one swell foop as my mom used to say. :) Now I'm home and it looks like I've had a nose job, I'm all taped up tight. The bandage stays on until Friday (thank goodness, because I *really* don't want to look at the results thankyouverymuch) when I go to the hospital for reconstructive plastic surgery. I'm hoping the doc will just do a graft from behind my ear, which would be the least invasive option. I'm all for "least invasive".

I'll update again after Friday!