I think He's trying to tell me something...

In the last 2 days, in 3 wildly different and random places, I have read this scripture (2 Tim 3)

But understand this: there will be terrifying times in the last days.
People will be self-centered and lovers of money, proud, haughty, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, irreligious,callous, implacable, slanderous, licentious, brutal, hating what is good, traitors, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God,
as they make a pretense of religion but deny its power. Reject them. For some of these slip into homes and make captives of women weighed down by sins, led by various desires, always trying to learn but never able to reach a knowledge of the truth. Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so they also oppose the truth--people of depraved mind, unqualified in the faith. But they will not make further progress, for their foolishness will be plain to all, as it was with those two.

You have followed my teaching, way of life, purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance,
persecutions, and sufferings, such as happened to me in Antioch, Iconium, and Lystra, persecutions that I endured. Yet from all these things the Lord delivered me. In fact, all who want to live religiously in Christ Jesus will be persecuted. But wicked people and charlatans will go from bad to worse, deceivers and deceived. But you, remain faithful to what you have learned and believed, because you know from whom you learned it, and that from infancy you have known (the) sacred scriptures, which are capable of giving you wisdom for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching, for refutation, for correction, and for training in righteousness, so that one who belongs to God may be competent, equipped for every good work.

Does that ever happen to you? Normally I'll see a scripture and say, "Wow, that is applicable to my life today," but I don't know if I've ever had this experience. When I read it the second time, I was shocked to see it twice in one day. But this morning when it was my assigned scripture at a new sight I'm checking out (Examen.me) I got serious goose bumps and a feeling of being very small, yet looked out for. Like God is shaking by the shoulders and saying, WAKE UP!

God help me learn what I am to learn from this! But be gentle. :)

Love,
Amy

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St. Andrew Novena

It is piously believed that whoever recites the following prayer fifteen times a day from the feast of St. Andrew (30th November) until Christmas will obtain what is asked.

Hail and blessed be the hour and moment in which the Son of God was born of the most pure Virgin Mary, at midnight, in Bethlehem, in piercing cold. In that hour, vouchsafe, O my God! to hear my prayer and grant my desires, through the merits of Our Saviour Jesus Christ, and of His Blessed Mother. Amen.

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St. Andrew Novena

It is piously believed that whoever recites the following prayer fifteen times a day from the feast of St. Andrew (30th November) until Christmas will obtain what is asked.

Hail and blessed be the hour and moment in which the Son of God was born of the most pure Virgin Mary, at midnight, in Bethlehem, in piercing cold. In that hour, vouchsafe, O my God! to hear my prayer and grant my desires, through the merits of Our Saviour Jesus Christ, and of His Blessed Mother. Amen.

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St. Andrew Novena

I think this prayer is so beautiful, and will be posting it every day during the novena.


It is piously believed that whoever recites the following prayer fifteen times a day from the feast of St. Andrew (30th November) until Christmas will obtain what is asked.

Hail and blessed be the hour and moment in which the Son of God was born of the most pure Virgin Mary, at midnight, in Bethlehem, in piercing cold. In that hour, vouchsafe, O my God! to hear my prayer and grant my desires, through the merits of Our Saviour Jesus Christ, and of His Blessed Mother. Amen.

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OK, so...

this is the story.  The story of a crazy, desperate person.

You'd think after getting a gift from the Blessed Virgin Mary I'd be happy, right?  Well, a conversation with my husband about the incident, in which I misinterpreted much of what he said, left me bereft - sobbing for hours because I was convinced that the "gift" wasn't real and that God and the Blessed Virgin really DIDN'T CARE.  I've been in such an awful dry, dark spell for ages and ages, and I just couldn't take it anymore!

We cleared up the misunderstandings a bit later, but I still had my lingering doubts.

I dared pray that prayer again today.   Today's one of those crazy hormonal days where I come very close to losing my mind.  Many tears and expressions of woe.  Wondering just how I'll make it another minute.  Definitely a day where a little expression of love from my Mother would make a huge difference.   I knew I was being bold, and bratty, but I HURT so and needed to know Someone was with me.

I prayed it, and waited ... hoping that God didn't disapprove of me selfishly wanting a little proof of the love of His Mother.

Shortly after I prayed it the mailman drove by, but I didn't go out and get the mail right away. I should  have!

This was in the mail for me:

"A Special Gift For You"

It says inside, "All who carry this medal will receive great favors...Favors will abound if it is worn with devotion." - Words of Our Lady to St. Catherine Laboure.

You bet your booties I put it on.

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Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary

Today is the Feast of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

We will try to get to Mass later, and hopefully I'll have time for some extra Rosary Decades in honor of her wondrous birth.

Happy birthday Mary, O clement, O loving, O sweet Mother!

Please pray for my intentions to the Blessed Virgin Mary on (one of her) special day(s) and I will do the same for you.

Here is a page with a little more information on this day, the Virgin Mary, and the Bambina Maria.

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My Resolution For Today

I resolve this day:

• To do all in my power to resist evil and to do good.
• To fulfill all the responsibilities of my state in life faithfully.
• To observe kindness and honesty in all contacts with my fellowmen.
• To preserve complete purity of soul.
• If I should be tempted to do evil I will repeat in my heart the words, "Do what is right; Be right; Be cheerful!"

That I may be able to keep this resolution, I ask the help of God, my Creator.

                   ~~ From The Seven Capital Sins, a power packed little booklet by the Benedictine Sisters of Perpetual Adoration

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Our Patron Saints for 2010

I can't believe we forgot to do this on New Year's Eve! Every year we put our Holy Traders cards in a bag and pick a patron saint for each of us for the new year. We like to think they pick us. This year we were a little late, but here there are:

DH: St. Camillus de Lellis
me: St. Tarsicius
Juliet: St. Vincent de Paul
Maggie: St. Maximilian Kolbe
Grace: St. Crispin of Viterbo
Leah: St. Faustina
Jeffrey: St. Hallvard

Holy saints of God, pray for us!

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Psalm 142 (143)

Lord, show me your mercy at daybreak.

Lord, listen to my prayer:
in your faithfulness turn your ear to my pleading;
in your justice, hear me.
Do not judge your servant:
nothing that lives can justify itself before you.

The enemy has hounded my spirit,
he has crushed my life to the ground,
he has shut me in darkness, like the dead of long ago.
So my spirit trembles within me,
my heart turns to stone.
I remind myself of the days of old,
I reflect on all your works,
I meditate once more on the work of your hands.
I stretch out my arms to you,
I stretch out my soul, like a land without water.

Come quickly and hear me, O Lord,
for my spirit is weakening.
Do not hide your face from me,
do not let me be like the dead,
who go down to the underworld.
Show me your mercy at daybreak,
because of my trust in you.
Tell me the way I should follow,
for I lift up my soul towards you.
Rescue me from my enemies:
Lord, I flee to you for refuge.
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God.

Your good spirit will lead me to the land of justice;
for your name’s sake, Lord, you will give me life.
In your righteousness you will lead my soul
away from all tribulation.

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How do babies KNOW this stuff?

Today Jeffrey (22 months) was pointing towards the wall and saying "Jesus! Jesus! Amen. Amen." and folding his little hands together. I finally realized he was pointing to the corner of the mantel where I have a statue somewhat similar to the one above (I couldn't find an exact picture, I think mine's a collectible and not sold anymore). But like in the one above, there is nothing really "special" denoting that it's Jesus and the Blessed Virgin Mary.

I don't think I've ever pointed out that statue to him, or told him who it was, nor do I remember doing that with any similar statues. (I know, I know, it's time I start!) Yet, I guess I don't have to worry, because *he knows*. He told *me* that the Little Baby in His mother's arms was Jesus.

I remember Leah (now 4) doing similar things at this age, saying an ornate picture of a certain saint was "God," when I had never introduced her to such a concept. They just seem to have an innate sense of the sacred. If only I had half as much...

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Wise words, as always

...from Jen at Conversion Diary:

Duty Before Holiness

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Novenas to St. Joseph

Two nice novenas to St. Joseph:

O glorious St. Joseph,
friend of the Sacred Heart of Jesus,
thou whose power renders impossible things possible,
come to our aid in our present trouble and distress.
Take these important and difficult affairs
which we recommend to your protection,
that they may end happily.

O dear St. Joseph,
all our confidence is in you.
Let it not be said that we have invoked you in vain,
and since you are so powerful with Jesus and Mary,
show that your goodness equals power.

Amen.

Say three times...

St. Joseph, friend of the Sacred Heart of Jesus,
pray for us and for all who invoke your aid.

...and my favorite:

Oh Saint Joseph
whose protection is so great,
so strong,
so prompt before the Throne of God,
I place in you all my interests and desires.

Oh Saint Joseph,
assist me by your powerful intercession
and obtain for me from your Divine Son
all spiritual blessings
through Jesus Christ, Our Lord;
so that having engaged here
below your Heavenly power
I may offer my Thanksgiving
and Homage to the most loving of Fathers.

Oh Saint Joseph,
I never weary contemplating you
and Jesus asleep in your arms.
I dare not approach while He reposes near your heart.

Press Him in my name
and kiss His fine Head for me,
and ask Him to return the kiss
when I draw my dying breath.

Saint Joseph,
Patron of departing souls,
pray for us.

Amen

Good St. Joseph, pray for us.

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Because I need things spelled out extra clearly

Yesterday I was reading the girls' religion chapter to them, part of which contained the teaching from Matthew 25 about the sheep and the goats and Matthew 10:

"Then the righteous will answer him and say, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry
and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? When did we see you a stranger
and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? When did we see you ill or in
prison, and visit you?' And the king will say to them in reply, 'Amen, I
say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers of mine, you did
for me.'"

and also

And whoever gives only a cup of cold water to one of these little ones to drink because he is a disciple--amen, I say to you, he will surely not lose his reward.

I started wondering...do I do this? Enough? I convinced myself I do - after all, I'm home with my 5 kids all day, doing things for them. I must be OK in this area, right? But I am tired (lazy?) often and want the kids to do as much as they can for themselves. I wasn't sure I was drawing the line appropriately. I asked God to help me see this more clearly, exactly what I should be doing.

Well, today, I had just sat down after a marathon baby chasing/nose wiping/laundry starting/breakfast cleaning session. Just sat down. Isn't that always the hardest time to be asked something? And my 3yo came up to me.

"Can I have a cup of water, Mommy?"

"Ummmm, no. (thinking I just sat down!) Didn't you just eat breakfast? You're done." I've been trying to break her of the habit of leaving her meals half finished only to ask for something else 10 minutes later.

Hellooooooo? Did you not just hear her ask for A CUP OF WATER? How much clearer can I make this?

Ugh. Sorry God. "Yes dear! Water, coming up! Would you like ice in it?"

It's a start.

Lord, make haste to help me. I'm not very good at this.

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Our Patron Saints for 2009

Our family has a tradition of putting all our Holy Traders cards in a bag, and selecting a patron saint for each of us for the year. We like to think that they select us. Judging by how *perfect* the selections seem in hindsight each year, I believe that's true. Despite having probably 40 or more cards, several saints reappear frequently. God must know we need them or haven't yet learned what we should have from them.



Here are our patrons for 2009.



Dh: St. Katharine Drexel (Rose had her two years ago)

Me: Bl. Laura Vicuna

Rose: St. Josemaria Escriva (he was Jeffrey's last year)

Skye: the Children of Fatima (somehow a K4J card got it, but it's perfect for Skye, who is developing a love of Our Lady of Fatima)

Jane: St. Thomas Aquinas (just right for our little scholar!)

Batty: St. George (great for our little fighter ;-) )

Jeffrey: Sts. Anne and Joachim (this was either Batty's two years ago or Jeffrey's the year he was born, I can't remember, and just as touching now as it was then! It really was special, I just can't remember who it was special for, lol)

Saints and Blesseds of God, pray for us!

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I found it!

The devotion I mentioned in my previous post is on EWTN's video and audio on demand. It's under Benediction, click on either video or audio according to your preference. I don't know how long it will be there, it may only last a day because it was different yesterday. Here's the quote I was talking about, I believe the priest talking is Fr. Dominic Mary:

Love is purified, increased, and perfected by suffering. Which means not only bodily pain but crosses of all kinds. God allows everyone all the sufferings they need on earth to cleanse, strengthen and perfect their love. But most people waste their sufferings. They do not want them. They complain about them. They try to escape them in every manner possible and even by committing sin they try to escape their sufferings. Because of this attitude the fires of their suffering are unable to burn away the selfishness from their love. So that it would be perfect. So they must go to purgatory, where they will have to suffer much more intensely than they would have if they had accepted the sufferings of earth. Their love is purified in purgatory but it does not grow. And that's an imporant point: we are going to suffer worse in purgatory than any suffering that is allowed us here on this earth, and we can't grow in love through it. The love is just perfected but we can't grow. The charity whith which we die s the charity that we'll have for all eternity, but if we accept the sufferings of this life, the love and charity can grow and we'll have a higher place in heaven. But for many, including myself, our faith is weak, and so we don't take advantage of what we have ... In purgatory God's cleansing fires burn away the souls selfishness until its love becomes perfect and it is ready to fly to heaven. It's sufferings only purify love but don't increase it. And so for all of us we need to take advantage of all the things God allows us to suffer with in this life.

I've been thinking on this all day. I had asked God how to increase in love when you don't feel it coming from anywhere - like how can you give what you don't have? But this seems to answer that question. Love will grow when the selfishness is burned away by suffering -- suffering accepted not fought off at every turn (guiltily raising hand).

Today I tried to just accept what happened, all the little daily mortifications of a mom of many: lack of sleep, interruptions, sick husbands, children getting frustrated with their work, rosaries being broken by babies that don't know their own strength, babies erasing what I took a half hour to transcribe... with every one I tried to say a heartfelt "Thanks Lord! Now my heaven will be even MORE wonderful!" I know that sounds silly, but it did help. I'm left wondering if that isn't selfishness in itself: accepting what's going on because it will ultimately benefit ME, instead of accepting it simply because God loves me and it's from Him. One day at at time, I guess.

I still grumbled quite a bit internally today, but I was outwardly much more calm as all the buttons I had were pushed. I'm hoping the "inwardly" part of me will come along in time, as my selfishness is burned away.

Burn, baby, burn.

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Wow. Wow. Just wow.

Have you ever heard something that just struck you and changed the way you live your life?

I was just watching EWTN and a priest was talking on suffering. It was something I had never heard before, and it's on a topic I have really needed to understand lately.

He said that we are allowed to suffer on earth to perfect our love. That if we just surrender to the suffering - if we stop complaining about it, fighting against it, just ACCEPT it (an aside: Oh my word I am PATHETIC. I just *yelled* at my daughter while writing this because she was making me suffer by not listening to me. PaTHETic). Anyway, he was saying that if we accept the suffering, our love will grow and be purified. That if we DON'T accept the suffering, we will need to be perfected in purgatory. AND, that once we die, we can not GAIN more love, meaning whatever amount of charity is in you at your death is all you get -- your "place" in heaven can't change. But if you grow in love *during* your time on earth, your "place" in heaven, your amount of eternal bliss so to speak, will be higher than if you just complained your way through life.

Oh that was a poor summary of what he said. I wish I could find it in print! I need to memorize and live it. It was on EWTN's 6PM Eastern time Benediction and Devotions tonight.

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Sometimes I need to be hit upside the head more than once about stuff

If I have obedient children but have not love, it is nothing.
God does not want their obedience MORE than my patience and kindness. If all I can manage is the patience and kindness, the obedience will have to wait.

If I have a clean kitchen, decluttered basement, shelves with nothing out of place, but have not love, it is worth nothing.
The cleanliness, generosity in giving things away, and orderliness are secondary to the love in which I made that happen. If I neglected to give time to a needy child, scowled at a messy preschooler, or rolled my eyes about a poorly done chore, I sullied the end product. It no longer matters at the cost of my lack of love.

If I have workbook pages done, a science experiment accomplished, or that last chapter of historical fiction read, but have not love; I was just a clanging cymbal.
The work we accomplish in school will amount to nothing in heavenly terms if it was not accomplished with love on my part... on all our parts...

I get all worked up trying to spin my plates, keep all the balls in the air ... but in the end, when I stand before God and go over my life, none of it will matter if there was not love in it.

Love is never...
envious
boastful
proud
rude
self-seeking
easily angered
recording wrongs

Love always...
protects
trusts
hopes
perseveres
delights in the truth

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I just love apologetics

This is SO good!

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Haiku Friday

Reposting something I wrote many moons ago, in honor of Good Friday. It's a Stations of the Cross Haiku:

a lenten journey
walk with Me to Calvary
the Way of the Cross

standing silently
Jesus is condemned to die
not my will, but Thine

carrying the cross
unimaginable pain
my burden now, too

the weight of my sins
so heavy for You to bear
You fall the first time

Mary, He sees you
Your eyes meet, a sword pierces
your heart now also

Simon is chosen
to help You carry the cross
soon, we all will be

Boldly, tenderly
Veronica wipes Your face
Your image remains

on the ground again
You struggle with us; teach me
Your perseverance

“Do not cry for Me
women of Jerusalem-
cry for you and yours.”

the path is ending
this Via Dolorosa
You fall a third time

in humility
You stand as they cast their lots
for Your precious clothes

Now nailed to the cross
I cannot watch, but neither
can I turn away

yes, “It is finished!”
Your Life poured out for us all
behold Salvation

the arms of Mary
hold You now, you are taken
from the cross to her

the stone is in place
our Omnipotence entombed
the end, but yet not

******

how we await You
oh Lord of Heaven and Earth
come and fill our hearts

----------------------------------------
For more Haiku Friday, visit A Mommy Story.

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Not sure what to title this...

Well, I got my first nasty comment on this blog today. Woo hoo! I've hit the big leagues, LOL.

Because I couldn't delete the comment (I thought blogger could do that? No?) I actually did delete the entire post. I don't tolerate nastiness in my own house, and especially in this refuge of a blog. It was my "Day in the Life" post. Anyone that knows me well knows I go around deleting posts (and even whole blogs) all the time at will and it is no big deal. I will probably delete this post too, in time, but I did want to address what the commenter said, because it made me think.

Anonymous said:

I would hate to live like you do. Your kids seem very needy and your house is a wreck. I hope this is a joke, right???/

Nope, not a joke, as I'm SURE you knew.

For about 3 seconds, reading that comment made me get anxious and almost cry. "No, it's no joke, my life, and house, really s%cks like that and I hate it too, sometimes!" Hey, I'm 4 months postpartum. I cry over everything. But I got over that feeling right quick.

Yes, my kids are very needy. We believe my oldest is brain damaged from her vaccines. My second has a hearing loss. My 2yo is like a 2yo on steriods, and the baby is just getting over colic. All of the children but one (including the 4yo I haven't mentioned yet) have multiple life threatening food allergies, asthma, eczema. One has learning disabilities and two are extremely bright. They are full of energy, full of life.

Yes, my house was a mess. That picture there, if you missed my reference to it, was of all the blankets that were taken out to make a little bed in the living room for the 2 and 4yos, so my older ones could tuck them in and read them stories. It was adorable. But it did get kicked around during the day and they were waiting for my help to put them back on the beds - I was tending to a needy baby most of the day, and it was lower on my priority list than holding my crying infant. I am human, it *did* bother me, so I took a picture to mention it. My usual readers understand.

They also know I'm not just some uneducated young thing that doesn't "know what causes that" and stuck in a filthy little house with an uncaring husband. Reading my "one day" you may get that impression if you already have assumptions in your mind about "who would live like that." My dh and I are both highly educated, we live in a small house because we have paid it off by making wise choices and living simply, and are waiting for our "perfect house" to present itself, and we have many children because we believe God's greatest gift to us here on earth is other people, particularly in the form of our own children. We are also both very kind, loving, sacrificial, talented people (well, dh is, LOL). I simply have a tolerance level for frustration, which has been reached too often lately, and it shows in my posts. Again, my usual readers understand (I LOVE you guys!)

I bet, looking in on one of the houses Mother Theresa and the Sisters of Charity ran, one could say the same thing as my commenter above. "I would hate to live like that. Look at how needy everyone is. Ugh, sick and dying everywhere. What a mess! Repulsive!" But oh, what JOY in the service of others, in serving the lowliest of mankind. And what wonderous things is Mother Theresa experiencing NOW, in heaven, in payment for her lifetime of service! I am giddy just thinking of it. I could only hope to gain a fraction of what she must have now, in eternal adoration of our Father. Yet like her, it is my service, my messy, loud, sometimes crazy-making service, that is my vocation, my gift to my God. And the "needy" and "messy" of my life is His gift to me. From Diane's blog today:

The reason trials are necessary in order to reach this state is that highest union cannot be wrought in a soul that is not fortified by trials and temptations and purified by tribulations, darknesses, and distress, just as a superior quality liqueur is poured only into a sturdy flask which is prepared and purified. By these trials the sensory part of the soul is purified and strengthened and the spiritual part is refined, purged, and disposed...

God allows them to be tempted in order to elevate them as high as possible, that is, to union with the divine wisdom...

The combat of trials, distress, and temptations deadens the evil and imperfect habits of the soul and purifies and strengthens it. A man should hold in esteem the interior and exterior trials God sends him, realizing that there are few who merit to be brought to perfection through suffering and to undergo trials for the sake of so high a state...

For God repays the interior and exterior trials very well with divine goods for the soul and body, so that there is not a trial which does not have a corresponding and considerable reward.

----St John of the Cross

Some moms' houses may be neat, and their 2.5 kids always well behaved, but God has chosen me and is refining me for closer union with Him. For eternity.

So in this fleeting moment my kids are needy, my house is messy, and I am BLESSED beyond measure in my trial.

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