Blogger woes and more on discipline during exceptions

I like the new blogger, really I do. Especially because it's free. But the one thing I don't like is that I can't follow up on comments with individual commenters, like you can with typepad or wordpress, because I don't get your email address. The only thing I can do is reply in the comment section (which hardly anyone ever goes back to anyway, at least on my blog) or bring it up here to a new post. Which is what I'm doing. :-)

Thank you Angela, Patience, and KC for commenting on my last post. It is good to know I'm not alone! :)

I realized that I may have misunderstood Angie's use of her bead string - not having a mother's rule or a strict routine to live by, I wasn't thinking in those terms - that it could be a way to always try to maintain that rule and to notify others when they should, ummm, leave you alone so that you CAN maintain that rule.

I guess I just don't work that way. Maybe I should.

I don't know all about Angie's family, so this is in no way about her post or her family anymore, but I'm wondering how much any of this is *possible* with special needs in the family.

Maybe it's just because we haven't learned to "do it right" yet, whatever the heck *right* is, but it is interesting that all 3 of my commenters have chilren with unusual needs, from vision issues, to giftedness, to autism spectrum disorders, learning disabilities, ADHD, ODD-ish tendencies, diet issues, etc.

I think I'm on to something here, but I have no idea WHAT, lol. And maybe everything I'm about to say only fits with moms of kids with behavioral issues, since that is mostly what I'm used to (although we do have other issues, they pale in comparison when adding stress to our day)

I used to think it was because we had too many activities, as experienced moms of larger families like to tell me. Drop some projects, activities, extras, and everything will be better. Well, I did that. We have nothing extra that God doesn't drop in our laps (necessary doctor visits, etc). It has NOT fallen together and gotten easier. Actually, I think in some way it FEELS harder because I am not distracted by all the running around! ;-) I have to face up to my life in all it's glory.

I think God calls the multiple special needs mom to an even higher calling than making a rule and checking it twice. Of course routines are great and give all children a sense of the "expected". I'm not saying we should ditch them if you have them already. And keeping the 5 "P's" Holly Pierlot talks about (Person, Prayer, Provider, Parent, Partner) in mind is beneficial when you can take a moment to bring them to mind.

I keep telling myself, "It should be better than this. I don't think it is all supposed to be so hard." "My yoke is easy and my burden is light" and all that. But maybe God wants it hard. Maybe our heavy burdens are redemptive suffering for the world. Is it possible that scripture doesn't apply to us? Because I think God calls on certain moms to pour themselves out completely, making their body and mind a living sacrifice, not counting the cost. God's yoke doesn't seem to make it easy or light, just *possible*. Maybe even sweet in a strange way. But definitely not easy. Not something I could get under control with a string of beads, no matter how hard I tried!

From many of the special needs moms I've talked to, you just can't schedule around the fact that your toddler is having 20 minute long meltdowns 15 times a day, your baby cries all day from colic and multiple semi-diagnosed food intolerances, your 4yo is having another asthma attack, and your 10 year old has yelled, cried, and stormed off AGAIN because you dared to ask her to do math. You also have other children, maybe even "normal" children, who need your love and attention. Did I mention homeschooling past minimal basics? Housework? No, I didn't, because so many days they don't even make it on the radar when I'm dealing with the *real people* I have in front of me.

How many times do you homeschooling special needs mothers of many get told, "I don't know how you do it!" I get told that a lot. Honestly, I don't know how I get from one second to the next on many days, except by the very grace of God who keeps me alive to witness it all.

Please don't take any of this to mean I'm not thankful. I am SO thankful I am alive, have a wonderful husband, a roof over my head, clothes on our backs, certain foods we can eat, and five beautiful little very childish little souls to share it with, and four more awaiting us someday. I do have perspective (a not-to-miss article, by the way!), especially now facing skin cancer surgery. I know it's only non-malignant skin cancer, but it has brought into focus yet again how short life is, how precious. Yet my days are hard, crying in my soup HARD, and I am so ill equipped.

There aren't enough beads in the world. There is only forgiveness, and grace, and the constant vision of the face of my Savior in the forefront of my mind.