Getting away from my original intent

I think my original intent with my "discipline/bead posts has slipped away into the tangle of rabbit trails that is my mind. ;-)

Patience, your name suits you well! Your writing shows such a sense of calm and grace. :)

You said, in part:

I loved your post. I wish I could sit down and have a good long talk with you. Because I think you are judging yourself too harshly. I know, I don't have several special needs children, so I probably shouldn't comment. But from the little I have seen of your life, you are clearly doing an amazing job - you still have your children at home, you still have (most of) your sanity. But, I can feel your pain.

It's funny, I didn't think I was judging myself at all in my last post. In fact, I thought I was kind of putting myself on a pedestal! :) Not a pedestal I wish on anybody, but by saying that moms like me may be responding to a higher calling, it does kind of sound (to me) that I feel like I'm super holy or something (I'm not, because I'm failing frequently, LOL - there, see, not THAT is judging myself ;-) ) I do want to thank you for your compliments though, and the peace that came through the rest of your comment.

You mentioned that calmness has to come through the mother, and that is true - but even when I am super calm, my children are STILL having problems. I think some of it is my fault from my past relationships with them, and some of it is their physical make up and temperaments. No matter how calm I am, my children have a habbit of spiralling out of control around me. Maybe it is a lack of parenting skill, but God has yet to grace me with the knowledge I need to make things better. So right now I have to think that it is God's will that things are this way. I'm OK with that (something that probably wasn't very clear in my last post on the subject!) - but being OK with it, and knowing how to make it "easier" so that I'm not in tears at the end of the day seem to be two different things to me.

Basically what I wanted to get across in my last post is that I feel it is God's will that things are so crazy, and I just have to deal until it either gets better or he gives me the wisdom I've been begging for. :)

I hope I don't sound like I'm picking apart your comment to argue! :) I don't like arguing (one of the things that gets to me here at home is the contstant "girly infighting" LOL!). You just had so many good thoughts that it helped me clarify a bit what I was trying to say.

Well, the baby has woken up because I'm typing too jiggly. ;-) Awake baby means crying baby! I'm going to post this, and maybe I'll write more on the subject later.