What would I do?

What would I do if I only had X amount of time to live? I've always considered that question a "desert island exercise" (I love how she's using that term here - basically as any "ain't gonna happen to me, don't really have to worry about this but I'll answer it anyway so my answer doesn't mean much in real life" question).

Getting skin cancer (yes, even the "non-malignant" kind) had in the past brought the question more from a desert island exercise to a "hmmmm, I probably need to examine this" level. I mull over the thought that if my body is so out of balance that I am finding new skin cancers every few months at my young age, what is going on that I *can't* see? I think about getting cancer, and what that would mean for me and my family. Still, that adolescent thought, that I'm still somehow invincible, was at the forefront of my mind. Who me? Die someday? Nahhhhh...

(OK, before anyone gets worried, I'm not dying *that I know of* LOL ... read on...)

Yesterday, with my soul nice and sparkly clean from confession, I got to go out with my Book Club Ladies - basically, three other Catholic homeschooling moms. We stay out about 3 hours, and talk about the book we read for, oh, maybe 5 minutes on a good day, LOL. The rest of the time we're asking advice, listening to the latest on one persons MIL or another's new baby.

Let me back track a bit - after confession Iknelt to say my penance and was continuing to pray as I waited for my two oldest daughters to finish. "God, I'm afraid to ask for patience as you know what happens when I ask for that! I'm afraid to ask for anything transformative for the same reason! Just show me Your love, and help me open up to pass that Love through me to others. Let me be a light."

I don't usually expect answers from God, as the past several (OK, like 10? LOL) years have been a quiet "dark night-ish" time of God drawing me to Himself. Last night, though, he used a friend's concerned words to snap me into reality.

My book club friend's husband is a doctor. She apologized for sending me a very worried email a few weeks ago, about my skin cancer. Last night she told me why - her husband had at least three patients, all in their mid-40's (I'm 39), who within the last year were diagnosed with skin cancer (I'm guessing melanoma?) and within a few months were dead. She went on and on until another Book Club Mom said, "Stop, you're scaring Amy!" LOL, I guess I looked like a deer in the headlights.

But it was transformative. I realized how true it could be that I will not be here 6 years from now. Suddenly "What would I do if I only had 6 years to live" didn't seem to be a desert island exercise. The patients my friend talked about had MONTHS, not even years.

What would I do? Love. And not worry about the small stuff (and it's almost all small stuff). Live richly, being present in my actions and to my family members, instead of having my head in the clouds all the time.

God answered my prayer, by showing me just how human I am. May I be able to keep this in mind every day.

All flesh is grass, And all its loveliness is like the flower of the field...The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever. Isaiah 40:6,8