Today's ponderings

aka "This is not a restaurant...and yet..."

Lately I've been doing much thinking on how my actions are perceived by my children. One thing I dislike, and I want to do less of, is what I'm going to call a lack of integrity (I'm not sure if I'm using that word correctly here, but I'm very sleep deprived, so please forgive me, lol). I want my reasons for saying no to something to be good and pure ones, not contrived. For example, when my dd asks for a toy at the supermarket, I shouldn't answer "No, that's to expensive," if we really have more than enough money in the budget to cover it. Then again, often my reasons are quite complicated, and to explain to a 5 year old that "we do have the money but it is not worth the money they are asking for something that will just break in a week and fill the landfill and besides I'm trying to declutter the house" seems a bit overboard. Maybe I'm wrong on that. ;-)

So here is my current dilemma. Food, and when it's served. I am striving for order and simplicity here, and serving myself and 6 other people meals at all various times is driving me a bit batty. Yet because of busy-ness (nursing, dryer stopping, reading aloud, etc) I am often eating at different times than they are. I am also trying to break my 2 and 5 year olds of the "take a few bites and then say you're full and go play" scenario. So I've been talking to them about eating while they are seated, and if they get down and say they are done, their meal is over. OK, they say. Then more times then not they are really hungry after a short while. I remind them that their meal is over. Here is where it gets sticky. They are often saying "Mom, I'm hungry" when *I* have finally sat down to eat and they see my food.

I could:

Share. Then there is less for me. I know that sounds totally selfish, but I am super low on energy right now and I'm nursing my huge 6 month old and my almost 3 year old. I would have to use up even more energy to make myself something new. But to NOT share teaches THEM to be selfish (I see this coming to fruition)

Tell them "I said before your meal is over when you left the table. I don't run a restaurant." I say something to this effect (in words they can understand, and much more pleasantly than this is sounding) often. But HELLO? *I* am eating at a different time then they are. Apparently that rule only goes for them, and to say as much seems very false to me. The five year old especially gives me that look like, "Mom, that seems awfully silly to say when you are sitting there eating and you could have just as easily given me some too. You do too run a restaurant, just not for me."

No matter what, it seems I'm teaching them I'm either false, or selfish...and I hear it coming back to haunt me when they treat their siblings in a similar fashion.

But do you know what? I really DON'T want to run a restaurant here! I want them to eat their meal when they are served it, and not again until the next scheduled meal/snack (which are frequent, they don't lack for food around here). This is as much for the simplicity/order thing as it is just a lack of time/energy on my part. I'll never get anything done if all five of them are needing help in the kitchen every 10 minutes.

OK, lay it on me. How do I deal with this? How can I tell them to eat their meals and only their meals and do it when I say, and then eat all willy nilly myself? I have explained the facts, but it still seems contrived to them. FWIW, I also have to eat many small meals a day because my blood suger is going bonkers and I'm not getting enough protein or something due to the whole "food allergic nursling" thing. Or should I just let chaos rule and let them eat whenever they want?



(p.s. I do know all about the "small stomachs" of kids and how much they can/should eat in a day - I take that into account - like I said we have plenty of scheduled times to eat, they just want it ALL the other times too, at various times on any given day.)

(p.p.s reading this over, I feel silly posting it. But I'm going to anyway. I'm interested in how everyone else does this.)

ETA (again!): I am often *with* them during meals, just not *eating*, although I may be in another part of the same room (i.e. if they are at the dining room table I may be 10 feet away on the couch nursing in the "living room" section of the same open room. Dh is often with some/all of them for breakfast, but if I eat then I don't get a shower (which I must admit is quite important for me - if I don't shower in the morning, I feel blechy all day, LOL) -- but again, that means all or some have eaten, and I have not...

...just clarifying. :)

And what about when they eat, say they are full (plate is half touched) - I throw it away (because it contains things baby is allergic to and I can't eat, for example, or it has gotten disgusting! LOL) - then 20 minutes later they say they are STARVING, because they see me eating because my blood sugar plummeted? I just threw out a plate full of food! They said they were done! Aaaaaaaaaahhh! ;-)

Why does this all just seem so *difficult*?