Throwing myself headlong into my Rule of Six is all well and good, but I don't think I'm going to make much progress without some real thought on the matter. Today was another difficult day.
I'm going to go through my Rule of Six one by one, and brainstorm. Here is today's:
Only for today, I will act with the authority over my children that God placed in me as their mother.
Part of the problem here is that I don't know what in the world it really means to do this, LOL! I mean, I have a vague idea, but not a practical one. Especially when it come down to my wheedling, wheeling dealing children. And the one or two (or three) who really don't CARE what I say no matter how often I punish, or cajole, or explain. It's worth it to these kids for whatever reason to just keep disobeying and pushing buttons no matter what.
I know I have read in various places that a child loses the perception of a parent's natural authority when a parent "loses it" too often in front of the children. Guilty here! Five bouts of postpartum depression and/or anxiety attacks, along with various life stresses, and my kids have seen (more than) their share of me losing it - crying, yelling, getting mad at inanimate objects (this is a biggie here! LOL). I am worlds better than I was 8 years ago (probably my lowest) but my life is also 5x more complicated now - and I have a long way to go. I am not sure how to gain this back or make up for this, except to stop losing it as much.
As far as not having authority for giving in too much, I don't normally do that, at least not with the younger kids and their tantrums. I am NOT easily swayed by a tantrum. What gets ME is the dealing or the sweet talking. I get asked for a computer turn, for example, and I say no, and then the child remembers some GREAT reason why they should be allowed to, and often I wind up giving in. Now, there is nothing wrong with that, necessarily (other than Charlotte Mason frowning on that sort of thing, LOL) but added to the paragraph above it further erodes my authority.
Maybe it's a girl thing, but my kids also seem extremely adept at the "sneaky almost disobedience". They know there is a line they shouldn't cross, and they bring themselves in all contorted types of ways right up to that line, in a sort of in your face "I'm not disobeying really, what are you going to do about it??" kind of way. Now, we don't have a ton of rules here, but I'm talking rules of civility that we have talked about ad nauseum not like pouring half a bottle of salad dressing on your plate, or me saying something like "you all must stay downstairs because the baby is sleeping" and having them all conveniently "forget" just a few minutes later. If I point out said transgression politely, I get attitude. Even the attitude can be done in such a way I'm not sure I should be addressing it either! Ugh! All day long I find myself going, "How did you wheedle me into an argument again? Why do you continually do what you know displeases me?" Not out loud of course, just in my head.
That being said, I need to be better at drawing an appropriate line between the children who are being annoying and when they are truly sinning. I need to let annoying go more often. Honestly, my kids don't outright sin much that I can tell. But lack of virtue abounds!
So in conclusion, I am hoping this will improve overall as *I* improve. I will attempt to dictate more of what goes on in a gentle way (for example, routines or setting up a meal schedule for all meals and snacks so there is less reason to argue with me or get me to change my mind: I have two children in particular who when I say "you can have peaches or apples for snack" say without skipping a beat "can I have a yogurt?" Ummmmm, did I SAY you could have a yogurt??? But (double ugh) I do give in to them at times when their request makes sense to me). I will try to draw the line gently but firmly. I will try to not be swayed by their theatrics or convincing arguments. There is a time for that, but I don't think that time is now, for our family.
Any advice on this is welcome.
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