My Personal Rule of Six - Step 4

Only for today, I will appear self-confident in my dealings with the children: I will maintain a smile on my face, a twinkle in my eye, an "easy grace and an erect carriage, as the Spanish peasant bears her water-jar."

Ah, to be as graceful and stately as a Spanish peasant with a water jar, LOL. Maybe I should carry a bucket of water around on my head or shoulder to improve my posture. ;-)

I do have poor posture. I need to work on my core muscles again. My favorite workout was always from this book: The Core Program by Peggy Brill. Simple, quick, effective - if you do it! LOL Pregnancy and then nursing (think large milk producers on a small frame) always throw me out of whack for awhile. So I'm slouching. Where's my water jar??

And the smile. I am actually doing better than I used to, but my kids need more smiles from me. I think I get lost in my own thoughts too often and then when I'm addressing someone I'm still more of a blank face or scowl than I intend! My family means more to me than anything, I should show it! So I've been making an effort to smile at my kids and hug them for no reason - well, I always did that, but I'm doing it more now.

This step necessitates me to realize that I'm BIG and my children are LITTLE, not all-powerful-out-to-get-me aliens like in the other step (2?) discussed a few days ago. I've been thinking about this the last few days, and there are really only two of my children who I think this about (that they are more powerful than they are) - and those would be the two that have VERY different personalities than I do. I'm shy, retiring, sensitive (very sensitive) -- and these two kids are loud, outgoing, in your face. They are the kind of people I always tried to avoid growing up, honestly! Because that type of person really scared me: the type that didn't really care WHAT you thought or wanted because THEY wanted something else and THEY were going to get it. Even if they were fun about it, too much in your face loudness and flamboyance just made me want to Get Away. So I'm struggling right now with that.

I guess I need to realize that even if they are in-your-face kids, I need to very GENTLY mold them to use that appropriately. I don't want to change them completely, just help them use their powers for good and not evil. :) If *I* start getting loud or in-your-face to counter that, what in the world am I teaching them?? Exactly the opposite of what I want them to do. Ugh.

One thing I loved from the Love and Logic series of books was the "Uh oh" song - when your small children are misbehaving, you don't get loud and match their obnoxiousness, you simply smile and say kind of sing-songy, "Uh oh! Looks like you earned yourself a little room/chair/timeout time!" (insert whatever your family does as a cool-down spot if you use that). I've been trying this when I remember, and it's very effective for my 3yo. I don't get upset, I model good behavior, and she goes to a time out. SHE hates the uh oh song, "MOMMMMM...DON'T say UH OH!" but it gives me a routine that keeps me from getting at all upset (when I remember to use it, that is!) because it's sing-songiness makes you smile.

And something I forgot to mention in my last step, but it fits here too: feeling rushed. It's not always when we are heading out the door. I try to start earlier enough most times that I don't get frantic about that (there are occasions! LOL). It's mostly when 2 or more people need me at once, which with 5 needy kids under 11, is often! Batty's disobeying me at the same time Jeffrey wakes up crying and Rose is asking a question about math, and before you know it I'm yelling at Batty to just. go. potty. already. so I can wipe her and snapping at Rose because she should KNOW this already, and poor Jane asks to play on the computer and my head explodes.

So for Step 4, I need to:

*Work on my core muscles (anyone got a motivation pill I can take?)

*Continue to smile more.

*Use "uh oh" with my 3yo more; think of something calmly similar for my older kids - something easy that I can do without thinking, to circumvent my first impulse, which is to get grumbly.

*Continue to work on my personal issues that make me lack self-esteem.

*Figure out how to not feel frantic when more than one person needs me, especially when one of them is being disobedient.