Reasons why

As some of you may know, I've been in a kind of dark period spiritually (kind of??). It's been especially painful added on to my life circumstances...I feel like I really NEED to feel God's presence, ya know? But He's God and I try not to tell Him what to do. ;-)

Through the grace given to me by way of many wonderful intercessors, I think I'm coming to some realizations. Things haven't changed here but because I have some notions of *why* God would allow the darkness, it is easier to handle. None of these may be "it" - but that doesn't matter. For some strange reason, I don't care half as much about getting the right answer as long as there is SOME answer out there.

Hoping maybe this may help someone someday (including myself), I'll share the thoughts going through my head.

God may be withholding His presence from me even in my need because:

- He's calling me ever deeper into Himself. If He gave me what I wanted I might not grow spiritually or just run off happy that I got what I wanted (after a big THANK YOU of course)

-He wants me to stop comparing myself to others. The worst pain comes when I hear so-and-so say "I hardly had to ask and God gave me my hearts desire!" or any variation of "God heard and answered my prayers."

-He's doing a necessary work in other people by allowing them their suffering ... even though it breaks me in two to see it, I need to allow it for their sanctification.

-He wants to increase my sympathy for and awareness of those who suffer through no fault of their own.

-Possibly I've come to a point where I don't need His little "treats" of answered prayers or consolations to continue on my journey towards Him.

-He wants me bound closer to the Christ who said, "My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken me?"

-He knows I crazily told Him I wanted to be a saint and I've got a lot of Purgatory time to make up for.

-He wants my heaven to be REALLY GOOD and since I'm a spoiled 1st world person I have to suffer in other ways.

-He wants me to get help outside of myself for some issues and driving me to the ground and leaving me there alone is the only way to wake me up to that fact.

-He actually IS trying to make me feel his presence and because I don't feel love like other people (see above and here) I just can't feel it!

- alternately, if he made Himself any more known right now I would not be able to resist Him. He wants my love to be my *choice* not a thing that can't be helped.


There is probably more, and maybe I'll edit this at some point if I can think of them!