Temperament - a long, boring post mostly for my own information :)

There are some good conversations going on at the 4Real forums about Temperament. I just took two of the tests linked. I realize I'm having trouble taking the tests - I seem to fit equally in 2 or more of the choices, or I feel I was one way as a child and a totally different way now. For example, this was one of the questions:

Do I:

*analyze the situation quickly and decisively, and make a practical judgment

*procrastinate

*call some close friends and discuss it

*deliberate and reflect on it for a long time, and then still have difficulty coming up with a decision I am satisfied with

As a child, and even today when the answer effects *only me* (which is totally rare) I can make a quick decision and be satisfied with it. Call it intuition, a global decision making style, or whatever). But now, I agonize and stew and steam over every. little. decision. I've spent 3 days trying to buy a new nursing bra or two online! Ugh.



As a child, I had a lot of patience. Now? NONE.



So I took the first test, linked from Catholic Match.com. I was:



63% Melancholic 37% Phlegmatic



I hate to think of myself as so melancholic, but the description was spot on, at least to how I feel *now* vs. what I was like as a child. Perhaps the vices of being these temperaments are just taking over, as opposed to the virtues!

The melancholic-phlegmatic is tidier, more procedural and less flexible than the phlegmatic-melancholic. He may be slower to take on new projects, as the melancholic fear of new situations and tendency to perfectionism takes over. The double-dose of introversion, along with the melancholic tendency to negativity, makes it difficult for him to give compliments and make upbeat small talk. It also causes him to instinctively say “no” when he first hears a request. Others may perceive this as “snobbishness.” Unless the melancholic-phlegmatic is very comfortable, and is surrounded by understanding long-time friends, he may find himself somewhat isolated and alone, unable to warm up in a social gathering. He is less critical and less grudge-bearing than a pure melancholic or a melancholic-choleric. However, the tendency of the melancholic to dwell on things for a long time in their mind, combined with the sensitivity of the phlegmatic toward interpersonal relationships, can result in long-lasting hurts, an erosion of self-confidence and self-esteem, and even depression. Extremely sensitive and possessing a longing for the ideal (melancholic), they are also highly attentive to what others need or desire, through their phlegmatic aspect. This makes them more than usually susceptible to anxiety and a negative self-image



This temperament combination is highly driven to succeed—not for success’ sake alone, but because their melancholic nature is drawn to high ideals, and their phlegmatic side will have a strong desire to please. Thus, they are capable of long-range planning, organization, and attention to detail that makes them excellent and conscientious scholars. They are capable of pursuing highly idealistic goals, usually with long-term academic requirements, such as attaining their doctorate. They value their friendships, but can spend many hours alone reading or studying. They may have a tendency to hypochondria or to genuine physical weaknesses, as well as a tendency to timidity and anxiety, especially about new activities or ventures.



One melancholic-phlegmatic we know is highly organized, critical, slow, and dogmatically unforgiving, yet reveals her phlegmatic aspect in her intense discomfort with confrontation (unless she is very at ease among the warring members) and in her strong relationships with her friends. You wouldn’t guess that she is so devoted to her friends, however, because true to her melancholic nature she rarely initiates contact with them – they always have to call her first. A tendency to avoid the stresses of social interaction by spending overmuch time alone—whether in scholarly pursuits or reading for relaxation—is something that melancholic-phlegmatics need to watch out for.

********

Then I took it again, trying to think totally back to when I was a child. How would the 9yo me answer? 56% Phlegmatic 44% Melancholic



The Phlegmatic / Melancholic

The phlegmatic-melancholic is introverted (though less so than the melancholic-phlegmatic), which means that his deep emotions and anxieties tend not to be clearly expressed. They tend to react extremely slowly when confronted by antagonism or strong emotions. They are personable, quiet, and gentle. They value harmonious relationships. When you are first entering a relationship with a phlegmatic-melancholic, you may be struck by how easy-going and agreeable they are, but be aware that they are not revealing the depth of their emotions to you. They are deeply sensitive and value harmony and high ideals within a relationship. As a result of his delayed and sometimes dull response, a phlegmatic-melancholic will be slower to speak out, tempted to procrastinate, and reticent. They may appear – or believe themselves -- at times to be “lazy.” At times when the melancholic aspect dominates, he will have plenty of time in which mull over in his mind what his response should have been. He may become easily offended (though he may not reveal this to you) or discouraged. The phlegmatic attentiveness to relationships, and to getting along and keeping the peace, will “take the edge off” some of the melancholic tendency to perfectionism and critical judgments of others. On the other hand, because he may be more easily offended, he may want to be critical of others yet hesitant to confront directly. The dominance of the phlegmatic temperament may also drive the melancholic proclivity to order and neatness out of the picture.



If you are a phlegmatic-melancholic, you will show a cooperative spirit and a desire to please, and will value harmonious relationships. You are particularly gifted in teaching, mediating among groups, and at counseling individuals. And though yours isn’t the most dynamic temperament, your lack of defensiveness, calmness under pressure, and gift for mediation in critical situations can make you a very effective servant-leader, one who is willing to roll up his sleeves and work along with those he leads by example.



This temperament combination can face at times a greater challenge to his confidence than other temperaments (especially the choleric or sanguine). For this reason, when you are facing a major challenge or have been given a multi-faceted and demanding project, it will be absolutely critical for you to maintain your level of energy and motivation — not to mention your prayer life-- to complete the project. You will want to anticipate the way your moods can get you off track, and take concrete steps to maintain accountability in order to remain focused and energized throughout the task. Motivational tapes, exercise and a healthy diet, spiritual guidance, and a strong sacramental life will be critical. You will also need to maintain your focus on the big picture at all times, and not be distracted by the “urgent” demands of the moment, or by what other people may ask of you. To this end, it is always wise to seek regular professional, personal, and spiritual guidance from qualified individuals. In order for the phlegmatic temperament to achieve success and reach his goals, he should always work with a motivational program that provides structure, inspires confidence, and ensures accountability.



If you are phlegmatic-melancholic, it’s likely that you are a bit more upbeat than the melancholic-phlegmatic, a little less introverted, more trusting, slightly less moody, more generous with your time, and a more gracious host. You will rarely find yourself angry (though your feelings may be easily hurt), forgive more readily, and do not hold onto hurts in the same way that a more dominantly melancholic temperament would. You are compassionate, sensitive, caring, and tend to gravitate to the helping professions. You are a patient and caring teacher. You are not as “perfectionist” as a pure melancholic, and generally struggle with organization, planning, and a tendency to procrastinate. You find it difficult to set limits or turn someone down who asks a favor of you; you may be especially drawn to volunteer or missionary work, the apostolate, or other works of mercy. Though very generous, you may find it difficult to set priorities or limits. Your phlegmatic side makes it hard to say “no” – although you really want to. Sometimes your generosity can result in not enough time to “get organized,” be prepared, or to relax. Burn-out and feeling overwhelmed may result.

Another test: (not sure if I took this as is, thinking about my childhood, or somewhere in between)



40% Phlegmatic

30% Melancholic

25% Sanguine

5% Choleric



This actually seems pretty accurate to me, looking at my life as a whole.



Two things about me that I think compound/confuse my personality: my adoption (yes, I can blame everything on it, LOL) and being a highly sensitive person. I think I *became* more phlegmatic due to the need for safety - I feel I *had* to people please to keep my place in the family. And over time, I have not dealt well with many stressful events (um, like the whole last 10 years, LOL!!) which has led to a lot of anger, impatience, etc that I don't think are my true personality. As a child, I could sit for hours doing a mundane task like untangling a volleyball net, or waiting in line. Today those things would drive me up a wall. I have no patience left. Also trying to keep 7 *wildly* different personalities/needs *happy* (being a phlegmatic and also a perfectionist) makes me totally flip out. My oldest needs to be bouncy and loud and energetic, but MY BABY NEEDS TO SLEEP! And then the baby wakes up, and is cranky/crying, and my highly sensitive person side goes into overdrive. So I'm *acting* like a choleric (driven, angry), depressed like a melancholic, and all because I was too phlegmatic. LOL!



My dh just calls me complicated. I think he's right. ;-)