It's a lie

When I was young, I was told that when I grew up I'd be able to make decisions and have more control over my life. So I spent my whole growing up years waiting and hoping for that time.

I think it came and went and I missed it. Nobody told me it would only last for those TWO years I was on my own before getting married and having kids!!!

Now I think I have even less choice making ability than I did when I was younger, because everything involves money which is not my own, and a house that I share with other people.

Growing up I had a ton (relatively speaking, when you are not paying bills) of babysitting money and a room of my own that I could decorate or rearrange within reason. I had more alone time and more free time to use how I liked.

Now, if I want to be proactive and do something, I have to pass it by dh. Of course, the things I want to do now are often bigger - "Hey hon, I really want to pull up this carpet/knock down this wall/repaint the living room." But I was put under the false impression growing up that *I* would have choices like this as an adult. Even the little things get passed through the filter of a dh and family that thinks differently than I do about decorating/spending money/eating/life.

Now, I can't even CUT AN APPLE without 4 little girls telling me how I should do it to please their particular palates. Sheesh.

This morning I caught myself telling one daughter that when she grew up she could make that decision (whatever it was we were "discussing") ... but I stopped myself. When she grows up she'll probably have a husband and children telling her how they want their apples cut too.