My Thing

An inspirational post over at Momastery:

What's Your Thing?

I don't know what my Thing is, but this post helped answer a question that's been percolating in my mind -- Whether to merge my adoption blog with this one or not.

I started that separate "adult adoptee substitute for therapy" blog years ago because I wasn't ready to let everyone see my pain. I didn't want to hurt anyone who actually knew me in case they stumbled over here (read: ages ago I gave my mom one of my blog URLs and even though she says she doesn't read it I'm not sure if she has followed me through blog moves since then).

Plus, I whine enough over here, I didn't want to add to it with what has proved true -- I need a place to whine work through my adoption issues, and finding a therapist  who would understand not only being a Catholic (and all that entails) but having a large family AND being an adult adoptee with issues is nigh on impossible.  I can't go to someone who DOESN'T understand those things because then I'll get bad advice or worse yet, be told I have nothing to complain about and didn't I *want* all these kids anyway and shouldn't you be THANKFUL you were adopted, dear?  (Yes, I've heard all these things.)  I truly need HELP, i.e. things I haven't though of yet (ask my dh how impossible this is).  The only person who can help me would be someone who *truly* gets what it entails to be the things I mentioned above. They don't have to BE those things but they have to have high regard for them and understand them.  Impossible.

So I started my cheaper-than-therapy blog. :) Over there.

But now I'm feeling increasingly disingenuous about having two separate places for my "self" to land.  I am not The Adventurer some times and a hidden adoptee when I feel like it... I'm both, all the time. I'm trying to be more *boldly* both.  So I'm going to start republishing things I wrote on the adoptee blog over here.  Probably  not everything. I may continue to post strictly adoption stuff over there with a repost here, because I know there are people who like to read adoptee-topic-only blogs and probably could care less about my recent 7 Quick Takes or that I had a kidney stone, YKWIM?

{Although as an aside, any medical happening in my life brings the lifelong question of "Is this familial? Did my parents suffer from XYZ too?" Especially since most medical appointments for myself or my five kids (we have a lot of appointments with all their issues!) involve  some question of my hereditary background and me needing to admit I don't know it.}

Lately I'm feeling this intense drive to be creative, and I haven't yet found the mental space to just chill and do it. So it's creating this intense log jam in my brain behind the cork of not feeling free to relax, get messy, and most of all make mistakes.  I know whatever I start with, I will BE BAD. Because I have no natural talent, LOL!  But that's OK, I think it will just take time.  So first I'm going to integrate and simplify a bit with this blog merge hoping to be more calm and more me, and we'll see where that takes us.

Happy weekend, everyone!